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Divorce Support Plus .

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Can a divorce be amicable?

I have devoted about thirty years of my life working with children and their families. During the first fifteen or so years, my 'clients' were the children, but I talked with their parents regularly. Conversation were not just about how the kids had behaved that day. Most conversations were actually about parenting skills, parenting style differences between the parents, and issues within their relationships that had nothing to do with the children or child-rearing. I heard about so much emotional pain, confusion and suffering within some of those family homes. And, obviously, I was not spared; I had my own relationship difficulties, unhappiness, and fear.

During and after my high conflict divorce, I was convinced that there had to be somewhere for people to receive more help while going through all the emotional pain, confusion, agonies, fear and/or regret that separation and divorce can bring. We all want to get to the other side... to move on with our lives, amicably...

I couldn't find anyone to help me in those days, so I've worked very hard at becoming good at helping other people do this. I chose to specialize in helping other families, couples and individuals on the verge of divorce or already going through one. And I still often think of the children as my 'clients' but their parents pay me to help them.

See, I would never want to offend any of my clients, or make them any more upset than they already are with divorce looming over them. And, I hope you believe me and understand this because... I truly believe that many, many parents are the cause of their children's pain and suffering during and after a divorce. In fact, that's why I wrote my book, My Family Has Two Houses; to help the children cope with and recover from their parents' divorce.

So, here's the first part of what I want to say to any parent on the verge of divorce...
  • Divorce can sure as heck bring out the worst in anyone... but it doesn't have to... if you are prepared with support from a third party who is both a professional and not emotionally involved. 
  • Divorce can bring personal pain, confusion, and feelings of failure or devastation... but it doesn't have to... if you are prepared about more than the financial and legal aspects of divorce.
  • Divorce can be a time of weakness, fear, and despair... but it doesn't have to. As strange as it sounds, divorce can be turned into a time of personal growth and therefore become a positive experience... when you are really prepared, mentally and emotionally, with the right information and guidance.
  • Divorce can be an expensive paper and word battle field with your personal information being shared with strangers... but it doesn't have to... You don't have to participate in the traditional war on paper through affidavits being sent back and forth to your lawyers, and in front of a judge in court. You can choose to have a more cooperative and emotionally mature divorce... and spend the saved money on yourself and your kids!

In all my years of working with troubled, divorcing and divorced families I can tell you in total honesty that this is truly the only attitude and choice of behavior that will give you the best chance of a decent, respectful, fair, thoughtful and positive divorce... with the chance of a peaceful enough co-parenting relationship that you can move on towards a positive future.

With the help of a me as your coach, I guarantee that you will:
  • receive the information and guidance you need to communicate this choice to your lawyer.
  • be confident in knowing that you will not be cheated or misguided during the divorce.
  • discover ways to reduce anger within yourself as well as how not to escalate your partner's anger.
  • learn and practice ways to handle and respond appropriately, rather than emotionally reacting.
  • improve your self-esteem and reduce any sense of shame or embarrassment about your divorce.
  • become aware of the fact that each of us is 100% responsible for our actions... and therefore, know that if your partner cheated on you, it was not because of you.
  • experience an amicable divorce so that you and your children can live in peace and harmony.
I'm sure YOU want everyone to get along as well as possible while going through this tough process of not just a legal divorce, but an emotional one... and a family reconstruction, not destruction.... don't you?!?




Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
After many years of working with children and their families, Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns by reconnecting lovingly (http://www.lovingtherightways.com)or to assist them through and beyond a separation or divorce (http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca). For further information, phone: 514.804.3585 or email her directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com