Want to Reduce Family Holiday Stress?

Although holiday time means presents and no school for most American kids, it can also be a stressful time - particularly with so many families facing financial hardship, in families where there's a recent loss of a loved one, and with the challenges faced by split or blended families.

 

Family stress is going up. According to the American Psychological Association's survey, Stress in America 2010, 73% of parents report family responsibilities as a top stress. 32% of parents report their stress is extreme (8 on a 10 scale). Most parents realize they are living with unhealthy stress levels: 69% know it's important to manage their stress, but only 32% say they are doing a very good job of it.

 

Children know when their parents are having a hard time, and it does affect them: 47% of tweens and 33% of teens feel sad when their parents are stressed; 36% of tweens and 43% of teens worry; and 25% of tweens and 38% of teens feel frustrated when experiencing their parents in such a state.

 

Now is the perfect time to start turning family stress around. Here are 7 simple holiday stress-reducing strategies that can make a difference - holiday time or any time. 

 

(1) Visualize a heart-filled holiday.  You can do this one at the dinner table. Have everyone in the family close their eyes, focus on their heart, and imagine what kind of holiday will bring joy into their hearts. Then share your ideas around the table. This helps kids feel listened to, cared for, and included.

 

(2) Give the gift of calmness.  Ancient wisdom and modern research point to the calming effects and health benefits of slow, deep breathing. Make a regular practice of taking 1 to 5 minutes each day of relaxing "balloon breathing." Breathe in to a count of 3 about 2 inches below the navel, imagining there's a balloon filling up with air, and out to that same slow count. It'll center and rebalance every family member to face the joys and inevitable disappointments of the holiday season.

 

(3) Offer distress a voice.  If this is your child's first holiday without a loved one - grandpa passed away, or big sister is in Afghanistan - younger family members may feel a deep sense of loss. Or maybe your child is feeling the stress of a recent divorce. Give her paper and markers, and ask her to draw whatever is making her sad or mad. Then ask her what the picture wants to say out loud. Often, putting a face on an emotion and letting it "speak" makes a child feel better - and gives a parent a way to understand what's going on inside.

 

(4) Sweat is sweet.  Kids (and adults) can get all pent up during holiday time. Surprise little ones by clearing the furniture out of the center of the room, turning on some fun music, and dancing vigorously for 10 minutes. Or bundle up the family and take a wintry walk while playing "I Spy." Exercise releases feel-good chemical and is one of the fastest ways to chase away holiday blahs and instill a sense of togetherness.

 

(5) Blow out negativity, light up hope.  Create a family ritual of hope. Have two candles for each family member: one lit, one not. Have each imagine what they'd like to let go of - what no longer serves them - and say, "I'm going to toss this out (anger, worry, meanness to my sister) when I blow this candle out." Then light a new candle and share, "I hope to bring in (kindness, faith, cleaning my room) as I light anew." Let go of the old and bring in the new. You can use one candle to symbolize all, or light up your whole home with several.

 

(6) Be grateful for who you live with. Avoid some of the little and big jealousies that crop up from comparing who has a bigger present or counting how many gifts go to whom by starting early and giving gifts of appreciation - to each family member. Take the whole month of December (or start at Thanksgiving) and every day have each person share something they appreciate about another (big brother allowing younger sister to hang out in his room). Make a running list and post on the fridge or in the family room to remind each other when stresses build that you really do care about and love each other.

 

(7) Spread the joy around. The time-honored tradition of helping others can shift priorities. If kids or teens are moping around or showing signs of stress, take them to the local soup kitchen to serve meals. Visit a nursing home with hand-made cards or offer a free concert. Helping others gives kids a feeling of more control and a sense of being both useful and appreciated.

About Dr. Charlotte Reznick 
Charlotte Reznick PhD specializes in helping children and adolescents develop the emotional skills necessary for a happy and successful life. She is a licensed educational psychologist and Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA. Dr. Charlotte is the creator of Imagery For Kids^TM: Breakthrough for Learning, Creativity, and Empowerment and is the author/ producer of several therapeutic CDs for children, teens, and parents. An international workshop leader on the healing power of children's imagination, she maintains a private practice in Los Angeles, California. Visit www.ImageryForKids.com

All Content Copyright ©2010 Charlotte Reznick PhD, All rights reserved.

If I could I would tell Mommy and Daddy...

‘If I could, I would tell mommy and daddy…’

Saturday, December 1, 2007
By MensNewsDaily, Glenn Sacks





Sharon Shenker’s My Family Has Two Houses is a book for kids about divorce. It’s jarring, because it reminds us of just how difficult things can be these kids, and how fragile these situations can be.

On the page pictured, it urges kids to “Hang in there…hold on…don’t give up” and asks kids to finish the sentence “If I could, I would tell mommy and daddy…”

I wonder what most kids caught in a divorce would ask?

Perhaps the most touching scene of PBS’s 2006 documentary Kids & Divorce: For Better or Worse was when they filmed a little boy caught in his parents divorce. The boy sobbed, “I don’t want to vote.”

I imagine that many kids of divorce would tell their warring parents the same thing.

2 Responses to “‘If I could, I would tell mommy and daddy…’”


1.
amfortas Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 4:33 am

No-fault divorce, “In the best interests of the children”. Who can fault it?
The children for a start…..

But we can’t let sentimentality stand in the way of women throwing off the oppression of marriage to Men !! ™, can we.


2.
DcFather Says:
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:55 am

Sounds like some psychobabble coming from a shrink/psychologist/social woker looking for an angle to cash in on divorce, like all of the other whores of the divorce court.

Why not approach and testify before Congress and state legislatures about the harmful effects upon children of the current divorce regime, and force them to choose between money for lawyers and hate fodder for feminists, or doing what is right for children and families for a change. Answer: There’s no money in that.


Ouch, that would hurt if my book was not put together for the kids without any psychobabble....on purpose.

Here's a little information on My Family Has Two Houses, a 50+ page interactive 'workshop in a workbook' for school-aged children of divorce.

Divorce is one of the most traumatic life events that children experience, and conflict between parents is so high that they often cause the children to get caught in the middle of their emotionally-charged disputes... Yet, by law, both parents have to give permission for a child to receive professional help in the form of counseling, child or family coaching, and very sadly, many parents don't give that permission.

So, here's what I did - I turned the exercises from the DivorceSmarts Program I created and have been using with children, with great success, for many years into a "workshop in a workbook" for school-aged children to use at home, in school or as part of a an organizations peer support group as a preventive measure to be used now instead of waiting for them to need professional intervention later!

These interactive workbooks get kids exploring some pretty deep emotions without coming across as a boring text book or therapy tool. Each page encourages the child to explore, journal or color pictures that reflect their feelings and thoughts while learning, venting, gaining new insight and skills... and acceptance of their new family situation.


Not just for divorced parents...

For anyone who works with children of divorce!


Professional Endorsements for the book:

"My Family Has Two Houses is a well thought-out workbook for children caught in the maze of confusion during and following a divorce. The compassionate tone, helpful exercises and suggestions, coupled with the great design and visuals, are a perfect resource to help children open up to what they are feeling and needing from the adults in their lives. Every divorcing parent should share this valuable book with their children. Thank you Sharon Shenker!"

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, Author, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce?


"A very helpful and insightful book, filled with fun activities that speak to the universal issues that children face when parents divorce. Ms. Shenker has a wonderful knack for making psychological medicine taste good."

Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, Psychologist & Social Worker, www.lovevictory.com


To obtain your copy of the book, please go to: http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca/buy_my_book.html