Parental Alienation Syndrome, Introduction to Series

A child asks, "Who Do I Pick?!"

I received an email last week that read as follows:


Question:

From what I understand, you attended the conference on parental alienation last weekend. As a ‘Target Parent’, I wish I could have made it! However, in your article, you stated that you were ‘trained in differentiating parental alienation and estrangement’. Can you share any of the criteria to look for when making such a differentiation? How does one tell the difference?

I’m hoping you can post this important information on your website. You also stated in your article that ‘Tomorrow, I`ll tell you more about the conference and all the speakers’. I am really looking forward to reading everything you have to say about it.

Thanks a million for taking the time to read my e-mail. Anything you can do to spread awareness and education about this issue might help save my family from indescribable pain.

Answer:

I am going to answer in a 4-part series because I believe this issue deserves our full awareness, attention, education and understanding.

In Part One, I will be discussing the behaviors quite often seen in high-conflict divorce situations which was referred to by one of the experts at the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome, Dr. Terence Campbell, as ‘Mild to Moderate Alienation.”

Part Two will begin with an explanation of the difference between PAS and Estrangement, and then point out some of the behaviors of both the “Alienating Parent” and the “Alienated Child” and offer some tips on what you can do if your child is being alienated.

Part Three will offer tips more specific to how a teacher, friend of the family, clergyman, and counselor or coach without professional training in dealing with PAS can do.

Part Four will provide information on the speakers at the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome and offer a list of all of books and websites for further information.

But, before I even begin, I want to make my view very clear.
My belief is that Parental Alienation Syndrome, or PAS, is both a very serious infringement on a child’s right to having a relationship with each of their parents, and it should be seen, understood and classified as a form of child abuse and/or mental illness (in the DSM-5). Since my own high-conflict divorce, in 1982-4, I have believed that even mild to moderate parental alienation is child abuse, yet a form of abuse that even many professionals do not fully understand and/or know what to do to stop it from progressing into full-blown PAS. Having personally seen the harmful effects it has had on hundreds of innocent children, my own and those that I have spoken/worked with over the years, I continue to be vigilant in helping couples to work on “a family reconstruction without destruction!” I know from work experience that many mild-to-moderate cases can be prevented from turning into severe levels of PAS if caught and properly dealt with soon enough.

“Just as early detection of cancer can save lives,
Early detection of PAS can save families.” Dr. Terence Campbell - - and me!

Please come back to read this important series, hopefully beginning tomorrow!


Sharon Shenker, Marriage & Family Coach
After many years of already working with children and their families, in 1999 Sharon founded Divorce Support Plus to help couples prevent family breakdowns or to assist them through and beyond a family reconstruction - without destruction!

For further information,
www.divorcesupportplus.ca
phone: 514.804.3585,
skype: sharon.shenker
email: sharonshenker@gmail.com

Going Once, Going Twice...

Get YOURS Before They Are All Gone!

Your copy of MY FAMILY HAS TWO HOUSES, that is.


I attended the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome this weekend and got to meet some wonderful people that will surely be new friends, some very highly regarded experts in the field, and many other Mental Health Professionals like me. Some of the attendees, unfortunately, were victims of parental alienation themselves, with varying end results.

Among the many wonderful experiences that took place over the weekend, one of great significance to me was the opportunity to share my workbook with my peers and see the interest in, and appreciation of, my work as they looked though my book - just before purchasing a copy for themselves to use in their practice. Hooray! Not only did I make a sale, but it means that so many children will be receiving help through their grief, acceptance and thriving despite the experience of a family reconstruction following a divorce. (Isn`t that great! More family reconstructions rather than destruction, because of me and my book!!!)


It was quite an honor for me on Saturday to have had the Founder of the Canadian Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome, Joseph Goldberg, taking it upon himself to put the copy I had given him on the registration/information table for others to see... which brought people my way, asking if they could buy a copy from me. So, naturally, I carried in the last copies I had from the first print that I did. These workbooks were originally selling for $35. a book, and I offered them to my peers today for a reduced $20.

Now, I am letting you, my one or many reader(s) know that I have exactly six (6) copies left. So, as the title says, Going Once, Going Twice... let me know if you want to purchase one of the last ones.

Tomorrow, I`ll tell you more about the conference and all the speakers... where I was (officially!!) trained in differentiating parental alienation and estrangement, and received the training in reunification therapy.

That`s it for today... I wish you and your loved ones peace, love and harmony.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach
http://www.divorcesupportplus.ca
sharonshenker@gmail.com
514-804-3585

P.S. In case you don`t know about the My Family Has Two Houses workshop in a workbook, please see the Divorce Support Plus website.

Parental Alienation Syndrome

A lot of couples going through a separation and divorce have so much emotional baggage still from the marriage that they confuse issues and end up in high conflict with their former partner instead of being able to build a healthy co-parenting relationship. The children suffer so much!

This sort of thing happens to way too many families, and as a mother and former preschool teacher, that is part of the reason I chose the career, or niche of working with families experiencing relationship difficulties such as pending divorce or going through one. I wanted and still want to protect the children. They are so ill-equipped to go through a divorce and family reconstruction.

Children are so helpless from getting sucked into whatever drama is going on between their parents. And, if one of their parents' is more than just difficult to get along with because of his or her anger, but has motives of their own to become what is known as the 'alienating parent' in a case of parental alienation, the kids need some serious help.

The most interesting type of help I'm referring to is a program I recently became aware of. You can read about it yourself in an article from the Globe and Mail, called "Judge rules father brainwashed son in hating mother" dated May 15, 2008.

The article states that "This is a precedent in Canada - the first time a Canadian court has recognized the lack of resources to deal with the disease of parental alienation and answered it with a private remedy - the Family Workshop for Alienated Children," when a judge ordered a "13-year-old Ontario boy whose domineering father systematically brainwashed him into hating his mother can be flown against his will to a U.S. facility that deprograms children who suffer from parental alienation, an Ontario Superior Court judge has ruled." Amazing!

I am attending a Symposium for Parental Alienation Syndrome this weekend, here in Montreal's Dawson College, and I truly look forward to hearing the esteemed experts in the field. I was honored to be personally invited to attend such an invitation only event, and will surely share some information here.

The Keynote Speaker for Saturday is William Bernet, M.D. Other presenters are going to be Douglas Darnall, and Ph.D., S. Richard Sauber, Ph.D.

On Sunday, the Keynote Speaker will be someone I actually know and have worked with on a family case, Abe Worenklein, Ph.D. Other speakers that day will be Terence W. Campbell, Ph.D., and Dr. Michael Bone, along with the Conference Mediator, Glenn R. Caddy, Ph.D. What a list of esteemed professionals!

I certainly hope that none of my readers are living through such a traumatic and damaging life experience. If anyone is, please know that I feel for you and wish for you to get the help you and your loved ones need.

I will post more on this topic in the coming weeks.

Sharon Shenker, Family Life & Relationships Coach
P.S. The picture with this article is of my daughters close to thirty years ago, when they were living through their own parents' disturbing divorce. Fortunately, they each survived and became wonderful people. One of my girls is a Youth Worker in group homes, and the other used to be a Paralegal in a Family Law firm, and is now the proud Mom of my little grandson, and wife of a great guy who is the manager of a bank branch. So... we can (usually) survive and thrive despite divorce!

Summer Vacation

Have you been planning your summer vacation?
Most people have. In fact, most people spend way more time planning their summer or winter vacation, their honeymoon, and their wedding than they do their actual marriage. Did you spend time talking with your partner about what your daily life would be like when married? Did you discuss how often you would see each others' parents or siblings? Was it established which one of you was responsible for paying bills? Who was assigned the job of cooking dinners, and weekend breakfasts? Did you talk about parenting styles? What was the plan for how much time each of you was going to spend with thier friends, on their own, without you? Were there any restrictions on who one or both of you could get together with, or where you could and could not go?

Well, if you did not do any of those things, and you are still in a long-term relationship, now is the time to start.

If you are single and dating, get cracking!!

Those of you who are divorced, take some time to think over whether or not you had discussed what I call the Big 3 R's : Roles, Rules and Regulations. If you did not establish these, trouble was sure to be a comin'.

For now... take a breather and try to win the following amazing vacation:

I entered also... hopefully one of us will win!

Here's the link to sign up to win an amazing trip to Prince Edward from Canadian Living!

Win an amazing trip to Prince Edward Island - HomePage - Canadian Living

GOOD LUCK!!

Sharon Shenker, Family, Life & Relationships Coach
For further information, phone: 514.804.3585 or email Sharon directly at sharonshenker@gmail.com

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Sharon Shenker,

Co-parenting: for your children's sake - Relate Better - Article - More Than Medication

Co-parenting: for your children's sake - Relate Better - Article - More Than Medication

Sharon Shenker, Family Life Coach

Do you have a funny to share?

I saw a cute joke that I thought was worth sharing with everyone, rather anyone who comes to read my blog. If it was 'everyone', that would be pretty amazing that so many people were interested in what I have to say. It would be awesome. I would feel really special and proud of having gained the knowledge in spreading this blog around - which I honestly don't think I possess. But, if everyone was reading this joke, I would very proudly be proven wrong. So, if you are one of 'everyone' reading this blog, please click on becoming a follower so I can share more rantings with you, and maybe you'll figure our how to say hello to me so you won't just be a member of that mysterious group of 'everyone' that often eludes me, and my blog. 

Okay, here's the joke:

Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesnt matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you are phobic, dont press anything. If you are anal retentive, please hold.

And... I'm sorry, but here's a couple to do with divorce:

Marriage is like a deck of cards................... In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end............. you'll wish you had a friggin' club and a spade.....

and...

I miss my ex... but my aim is getting better.

Do you have a funny joke or story to share with me and 'everyone' else who checks this blog? If so, send it in to me so we can work together at changing the mood of those reading blogs about divorce... one person at a time.